EXTRA, EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT (the pinball wizard’s in a miracle cure!)


THE HYPERSOMNIA DREAM IS REAL
It started out quite vividly as I walked up to the side door of my apartment and noticed my door wide open. I go inside and I walk to my room and lay my head down. When I got up, my wall was missing and out before me was a huge field where they were toiling the soil, readying the local harvest. In the distance, I could see mothers hanging their laundry with scarves protecting their hair from the sun and sheets bleaching in the afternoon haze. I noticed I was sleeping on my floor, under the bed, (sometimes I do that) and next to me, a blond haired girl without her shoes is next to me in a red skirt and white blouse. She wants me to take her picture, she wants me to make her beautiful. She is playing with small hand sized toys- she must be 18.
I get up and tell her to run out into the field, I will bring more toys for her to play with and I look around my room for where I had stashed them. I look everywhere until I look under the bed and see a mound of disgusting dirt lying there- it was not just before- I know I am dreaming now. I reach into the dirt- there are maggots and animal feces sprawling out into the darkness of under my bed as I reach for packages of tightly sealed plastic bags. I pick two and take them to the washroom to wash off the muck. The first one bled brown dirt under the water as I tear it open and several squeaky toys fall out. The second bled red and yellow dyes as broken headless stuffed toys fall out and clog up the sink. I start lining the toys up in the sink, one by one, cleaning them off….

WAKING
It seemed as if my phone had been ringing non-stop when I finally fell out of that dream I was in. Seven missed calls and already 1pm. I roll around on my bed in my sundress as I try to motivate myself to go back into the horrible surreal real world. Not thinking I reach onto the floor to find a semi clean shirt and pull it over my head as I walk out my door.
The sun is beating down on me now- I am walking with my hands over my face as I wince to see in the distance. I could be blindfolded and I could still find my way around my block, yet its good to have those eyes open. As I arrive up to the gallery, Miriam and Peter point and start to chuckle.
“How do I get a little extra?” Peter asks.
“Yeah,” Miriam says. “How do we get a little extra?”
I am in no mood for mind puzzles this morning/afternoon- I am here to work and then go home to type up my interviews for the paper. “What are you talking about,” I ask both of them. “Are you already teasing me?”
They both point at my shirt. LOW AND BEHOLD- I made the wrong choice of picking the one shirt that I won at a drag club in Toronto that reads: “ASK ME HOW TO GET A LITTLE EXTRA”, some promo bar swag for Corona Beer. I giggle a bit and shrug it off knowing if I get my work done fast there, I can get myself home and I can change my shirt.
I should have turned the damn thing inside out immediately. Steve the Cowboy comes in next and asks me how he gets a little extra. I quickly finish my work and leave to go to the bank, shrugging off the goofy comment. I should not have walked right down Main Street, either. Everyone who saw me started yelling “HOW DO I GET A LITTLE EXTRA, ANNK?” and there I was left to stand around like a goon, waving at them, feeling remorse for not turning the shirt inside out.
I walk faster.
I get to the intersection. People in cars stopped at the lights hang out of their cars yelling and hollering at me. I feel as if I want to crawl into the sewer. Just then, the largest, blackest pick up truck in all of Halton whirls up to me and a gruff British voice yells out, “GET IN, KORNY!”
My editor had come to rescue me from total Main Street humiliation.
I jump into the car and fuss with my seat belt, the words escaping my lips “Gee- Thanks Stephen- you have no idea what-“
Stephen looks right at me at that moment and says “So how do I get a little extra? What is that shirt all about, Korny?”
/insert frustrated hrrrrrr right here.

It is almost five and I am at my desk- Gary and JR are in the living room laughing at my story since I have not bothered to change yet. Why not? Its one for the blog and it is a good laugh.

I have plans to burn the shirt when Tony comes over.