Danger! Danger! (enter police siren here)

yes- it is a warm hat. Thank you for noticing. I gots to keep my brain from freezing.

Typical day for a Kornflake

7:00 am- alarm goes off. Get up. Swim across bed laid with numerous books half read, sheets tangled and messed up. Shut off alarm.
7:01 am- Go back into the sea of half read books on bed. Enter lose and reckless moments of painfully embarrassing perverted daydreams.
7:05 am- Pet cat Scoot jumps up on face and bites down on nose. Painfully scream, jolted from perverted daydreams. Get up, kick books from bed onto floor, and chase after the hellcat to go feed it.
7:10 am- Feed cat monster and make coffee. Grumbles mindlessly as one opens the window and notices the bad weather. Curse every weather and element god known to humanity.
7:30 am- lie on couch, wait for coffee to finish. Have first smoke of the day.
7:35 am- get coffee, lurch to work desk, still in LaSensa pj's. Roommate gets up, giggles at PJ's. Throw large book at roommate for taking cheap punches at her taste in bedroom attire and her fat ass. Roommate leaves. Start music.
7:45 am- Think that PJ's of silk hot pants and spaghetti tank top may be not suitable or to sexy for work. Have second smoke of the day.
8:00 am- Phone rings. Growl incoherently in a fluff of hair pins and smoke to find phone. Can't find it. Where was that bloodymuthafuckinthing thrown? Phone keeps ringing; remember it was thrown behind Pineapple lamp. Find it just as it stops ringing.
8:03 am- Swearing at phone, trying to figure out who called.
8:05 am- Phone back assignment editor Donna. Get details that the photo I took cant be used since the snarfs already got their photo in a huge half spread in our competitions paper. Girl it up and get new photo assignment.
8:15 am- Look at pile of work. Think about pile of work. Turn on the CBC, turn on the news feed, and open up work. Stare at work. Stare at the empty screen and think of the world’s perfect lead.
8:16 am- Get headache.
8:30 am- More perverted daydreams.
8:45 am- Log into IRC. No one is chatting- BIG SURPISE. Annoy Kinetix on msn; tell him how great working in your pj's can be.
9:00 am- Think about putting on proper clothes. Realize window is open, high school kids skipping class are mounting around window. Get up; grab the cracked bat and chases kids away from window. Look in mailbox and say "where’s my spy camera!" eBay sucks out again. March back inside to put clothes on.
9:15 am- put on clothes worn last night. Day #2 for pants. Remind self to do laundry again. Think about eating.
9:30 am- Open email. Delete spam. Look at work and gurn.
9:45 am- Make half-assed attempt to start writing. Have third smoke of the day. Get more coffee.
10:30 am- Long to go outside. Look out window. Curse every god known to man for making such lousy weather. Think about taking a bath.
10:45 am- take bath.
11:00 am- change clothes again. Phone rings. Its Peter from the gallery asking how the new painting is going. Lie face off.
11:05 am- Start painting like possessed possum. yell "AHHH NO NO NO!!!" over and over.
12:00 pm- Smoke. Painting done. Look at work and gurn. Get more coffee.
12:30 pm- send in writing with fingers crossed. Poke Jack Sin on msn.
12:45 pm- Think about going outside with new painting to the gallery. More perverted daydreams.
1:00 pm- Get geared up, put on mp3 player. Jive around to tunes for a bit then head off to the gallery.
1:15 pm- Boss around at gallery. say "yes" a lot. Get check and performs the "I got paid" jig. Peter laughs at jig and leave to go cash check at the bank.
1:30 pm- Meet with accountant. Drift off into more perverted daydreams as things such as RSP's and decisive account managing drift off in the distance. Steal a few candies from the candy dish. Leave and notice the time. Grumble something about being late for next interview.
2:00 pm- Go to interview. Does the same old "YES- I am this old, no I didn’t go to school for this yes, I am this old, yes I swear I am a professional... etc..." urge to kill rises.
3:00 pm- Get home. Kick over chair and slam head into couch. There there... respect will come with age. Hopefully.
3:05 pm- Think up hot and steamy romance involving people on "THE BAD" list. Laugh uncontrollably for a while. Have smoke.
3:30 pm- Get back to work. Get coffee. More grumbling. Thinking about taking another bath.
3:40 pm- Take second bath. Sing off key in the tub. Look at bath toys and agree that one is never alone with a rubber duck.
4:15 pm- Get dressed for third time. Pick up new shiny book and gleam. Phone rings, swear head off and grab it. Inkz on call, want to go shopping. Get all urge up to go buy more books.
4:30 pm- Inkz arrives. Get into the "Maroon Harpoon" and take off to Peel Region blasting "Dead Milk Men" all the way. Think having a detachable penis IS a good idea. Smack Inkz for no bloody reason. Have another smoke.
5:00 pm- Get into book store, find wanted book. Bend the shit out of the cover and demand a discount. Get 30% off and act all "stupid" to counter up reliability for discount.
5:30 pm- Laugh as leaving bookstore calling all employee's jerks.
6:00 pm- Stuff a huge sandwich into face. Call Inkz a douche-bag and throw hot pepper at his head. Inkz sticks a straw in AnnK's ear and spits. Time to go home.
6:15 pm- Argue all the way home who really won that fight. Punch Inkz in the leg and try to honk the horn. Steal one of Inkz smokes and Inkz punches AnnK in the jaw.
6:45 pm- get home, wave good-bye to Inkz. Phone rings, more grumbling. Talk to boy friend. Ask, "How was yur day" and "whachawannado?" and go back inside. Boy friend is tired and wants to stay home. Get depressed.
7:00 pm- More perverted daydreams.
7:15 pm- Roommate gets home. Wait by door with cardboard tube and smack his legs with it as he walks in. Get chased around apartment. Fight ends in huge bloody mess. Scream "FUCK I AM SO NOT CLEANING THIS UP" at the top of lungs.
7:30 pm- Feed cat. Think about taking another bath.
7:45 pm- Take another bath. Look up at the ceiling and drift off. Think about how sitting in a bath is just like sitting in ones filth. Think about the water bill. Think about work. Think that eating that sub was not such a great idea after all.
8:00 pm- Get on computer and ink a cartoon. Doubt self worth.
8:30 pm- Garry White power Gary White comes over to play guitar with roommate. Turn up own music. Look at pile of work and gurn.
9:00 pm- Talk to dad on the phone. Assure him that his history books are fine and not bundled up being spined in bed.
9:30 pm- Check email again. Swear.
9:45 pm- Think about going to the bar to get pissed. Look into wallet and gurn. Go back to computer.
10:00 pm- Hang body life-less from computer chair. Plot schemes on how to take over the world.
10:45 pm- Smoke 5 cigarettes right after the other. Look at work and scream. Start typing like crazed junkie. Computer blurts and bubbles, changes into disgusting Mugwump head and oozes out strange white liquid. Eye's glaze over, fingers lose connection. Lie back and have smoke, Mugwump computer smiles and says "Yes, yes- that’s right, Mz K!" Look at Mugwump computer and sneer at it, "I am beginning to really like you, kid" Have a celebration smoke.
11:30 pm- Think about tuffin' it in.
11:35 pm- Cat jumps up and bites hand for no good reason. Pick up cat and run around apartment making ape noises. Cat enjoys this. Things done only to make kitty happy.
11:45 pm- Scream when looking at the clock. Run into room and put on 'questionable' sexy PJ's.
12:00 pm- Lurch into bed, curl up with the spined history books, bloom county comics and Robert Crumb mag's. Feel for the science fiction novel. Find science fiction novel under pillow and starts reading.
1:00 am- Stop reading; toss out with light on, cat purring on legs, books thrown everyplace. Dream of murderous fire until the next day.
7:00 am- Alarm goes off. Close eyes and pretend it is just not another day.