Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Daft Punk and a dog and another dog in the sea



my growing insomina constanly burns my eye sockets with blue flames. Yet, it never fails to keep my brain active and my lungs full of damn smoke.

i am growing resless... bought new clothes. now i look like such a royal mess! i took me mom. had to have someone tell me those jeans look to saucy. down to size 7. in your face mom. snicker snicker.

Odessus told me to use the galmour as your weapon. i still pack a knife, i still do not trust. I cut flowers with it, mainly. Such the perfect being in the world a woman is... who else would multi funtion a protection piece? Inkz gave it to me when we were moving his place downstairs. "I got a whole box of them- here, take" and i was packing out.

now what can i give of myself? I am young so i my best guess is my time and hard work. Work hard when you are young till the point of exaustion. work hard. work harder. keep your head afloat. work untill your limbs are being torn apart and thrown into the sky. keep working beyond all hope. work when you play, work when you sleep... just dont stop moving. it's the burn that i love, the horrible painful cigarete smoke burn afterwards that tears my soul... total release. dead fish flopping on the bed air of nothingness haunting the eardrumbs... do fish have ears... if i am a fish can i hear myself gasp for breath? would i have enough time to come to terms with myself being a fish before not being a fish after i run out of air?

i lie under the bed, my feet streched out in plain view. phone isnt ringing. still under the bed, though. room is thrown, jackets, blazers, white collar shirts and scarfs, jeans and towels, unused and displaced ashtray by the sewing machine i havent used in months. just stoped coming in here. had no reason to but to sleep. no reason but to dress, no reason but to dry off from being in the shower. i want all the furnature to disapear, paintings off the walls, pictures taken down and everything out. just a room with nothing in it and a place to sleep. if i look at things too long i cant stop thinking and everything is a reminder that i can do better.

I can feel a thousand mighty beats drilling in my heart...

ANOTHER DAY AS YOUR TOP NOTCH JOURNALIST

I was painting in the store today and my pants kept falling down. My hair is a mess and i still smile the same way. I got to get those radio tunes out of my head.

I'm burning up. I have a bad feeling about this.

Someone had kiddnaped me. I can see my body geting out of the huge car and walking into the building and the croud cheering. I can see it all happening before me moving picture movie, bad audio, i can run away at any notice and hold you only if you promise to hold me.

I keep lookingin the mail box for your letter. You havent written in so long and i think of you from time to time. Maybe it was the wrong time but i knew something was there, these hands were never one at denying it. I think of you in your dire times when you need me most of all to hold you and let you know its going to be better. I don't know or understand why one woman should be made the burden for such things, but i understand everything if that will make you better. Will you not forget to call me when you are dying? I'll come running, i will try to save you but i will accept it when you are gone.

its a beat monday and my eyes read the skyline with bitterly mixed feelings. i got my addiction in the left and my coat clentched in the right and i move onto the snow and sleet marching to a wonderful beat. its easy to accept the wrong with the right when you have since been kiddnaped...

few weeks ago they hooked me to this machine and jabbed my skull with electrons, tore at my flesh and chewed down my nails. now im supost to be beautiful. now after all this time i can walk around like some show horse being the proud love and admired by the public eye. the wonderful star reporter making the show with the black blazer power suit and high heeled shoes, hair spun into buns and garnet septor- a gift from cronos, hatched and beaming brighter then any jewl or tailsman. do they love the package or the woman in frustration behind the shell... watch her be cruel, watch her crush your spine in her hands, watch her glare right in your face when she walks out the door. i wonder if they didn't notice the additude when they wrapped her up.

i stuck my tounge in his ear and tore out his ring. i did it to get even with him. having problems keeping things out of my mouth or better: things have problems jeeping into my mouth. wrong time, wrong place. Anger always got the best of me and i am lucky i own a man with all the right words. better watch what i keep saying but i always have been wrong place, wrong time. always had problems talking to secutarys anyway.

Watched interstella 5555 and fell in love again. it's good to feel that once more. pull the coat up, turn up the music and just fall in love.